Do you hate to lose?  I do.  In fact, even though I may appear to be a pretty laid-back guy, deep down I’m actually competitive as all get out. Even playing cards and dominoes with my family I’m often accused of being an obnoxious winner and a pouty loser.  I hate to lose!  But there are actually times when losing creates a competitive advantage and leads to strategic advancement.  Consider, for instance, in baseball what is commonly known as a “sacrifice” where the batter gives up an out in order to advance one or more runners who are on base.  It is a loss for the batter so to speak, but a strategic advancement for the team.  It’s what we sometimes refer to as losing the battle but winning the war. 

There’s a hilarious scene in the movie “Maverick” where Maverick (played by Mel Gibson) walks into a saloon and convinces a group of strangers to allow him to join their poker game by promising to lose for the first hour.  Sure enough, for an hour he carefully loses every hand, throwing away good cards, folding potentially winning hands, and raising bets on bad ones.  But at the end of the hour the tables turn, you might say, and he begins to rake in the chips.  By losing, you see, he had lulled his opponents into thinking he didn’t know what he was doing, a strategy that cost him a few bucks up front, but by the end of the night had him sitting on a pile of money. 

During my corporate career it drove my staff crazy how often I would cave in when minor disputes arose with customers or other departments in the firm.  “Why did you give in on that?” they would accuse, “We were right!”  Indeed most of the time we WERE right, but it didn’t matter for in considering the circumstances I generally concluded that the good will created by forfeiting often far outweighed the ill will it would cause by going to the mat to prove our point.  And over the long haul I’m convinced it paid off as our reputation grew, as did market share, volume and profitability.  In other words, it was worth losing a few battles to win the war. 

I still hate to lose, though, don’t you?  It hurt then and it hurts now to lose even a friendly game of dominoes.  But if a little tactical loss here and there leads to bigger strategic victories, in the end isn’t that worth it?

When a friend came to me this past week and apologized for something he had said that he felt may have offended me I expressed my appreciation for his gesture and accepted the apology assuming that would be the end of the matter.  But the next day he came to me a second time still troubled by the incident.  This time, though, instead of apologizing my friend asked for forgiveness.  There’s a difference, as he explained, in that an apology is only a matter of good manners.  But seeking forgiveness is born out of a deeper level of humility, an admission that we are not perfect and that in order to receive forgiveness suggests we must in turn be willing to forgive others. 

In the movie “Get Low” Robert Duvall gives a stunning performance playing the main character Felix Bush, a reclusive backwoods hermit who had sentenced himself to a life of seclusion because of a despicable act he had done forty years prior.  Then one day Felix appeared in town with a wad of cash, knocked on the door of the local undertaker, and explained to the man that he wanted to pay for his funeral in advance, but with one stipulation, the event was to take place BEFORE he died so he could hear what people had to say about him, to clear the air of all the rumors and gossip that had circulated for years.  When the big day arrived, though, Felix had no interest in what others had to say, instead he did the telling - revealing to the community his deep dark secret and why he had been hiding in the woods all those years.  What Felix had discovered, you see, was that his lifetime of self-imposed punishment had failed to relieve the pain of guilt from his wrongdoing.  His only hope was to seek forgiveness from those he had harmed. 

Neither punishments nor apologies, no matter how severe or sincere, can restore relationships to their right place.  Only forgiveness can do that.  That’s what my friend understood and why he came to me the second time, to restore a relationship he feared had been damaged - which he did, and at an even deeper level than before.  

Nothing I have ever read in Scripture mentions apologies, but there is a great deal about forgiveness.  As my friend pointed out, there is a difference, and thanks to his humble gesture I have a much better understanding what that difference is.

No getting around it, some things simply require hard work.  Consider, for example, the last time you tried to break a bad habit such as giving up sweets to lose weight, quitting smoking, spending too much time on the computer or watching too much television.  Or, think about your most recent efforts to start a new exercise program, eat more healthy foods, save more money, or spend less on frivolous things?  How did you do with it?  Difficult, isn’t it?  I know, I’ve been struggling lately to shed a few pounds, but unfortunately my appetite and the poor eating habits I’ve developed are not being particularly friendly companions in my efforts. 

Self-discipline is perhaps one of the most difficult and challenging of all human endeavors.  Although some appear to have more will-power than others - and I’m in awe of those who do - everyone struggles with it at some level because we all have weaknesses.  In recent decades entire industries have evolved around these issues of self-discipline from multimillion dollar diet and exercise businesses to personal trainers, therapists, support groups and twelve-step programs.  And while many have certainly proven to be highly successful in helping people overcome weaknesses and addictions or otherwise improving all kinds of healthy habits and lifestyles, ultimately the success depends upon the desire and hard work of each individual. 

As the old American Gospel song says, “You gotta walk that lonesome valley; you gotta walk it by yourself.  O nobody else gonna walk it for you.  You gotta walk it by yourself.”  And that’s what makes self-discipline such a difficult challenge for us because when you get right down to it “you gotta walk it by yourself.” 

The Creator did after all grant free will, and by doing so gave us the ultimate responsibility for our actions and self-discipline.  In other words, we gotta walk that lonesome valley by ourselves.  And there’s no getting around it, some things simply require hard work - which is how we become the best at who we were created to be.

“A father, being on the point of death, wished to be sure that his sons would give the same attention to his farm as he himself had given it.  He called them to his bedside and said, ‘My sons, there is a great treasure hid in one of my vineyards.’  The sons, after his death, took their spades and mattocks and carefully dug over every portion of their land.  They found no treasure, but the vines repaid their labor by an extraordinary and superabundant crop.”  - from Aesop’s fables 

Knowledge is a good thing.  But there is a vast difference between “knowledge” (having the facts) and “wisdom” (applying those facts to life).  In other words, we may amass knowledge, but without wisdom, our knowledge is useless.  We must learn to “live out” what we know.  The father in the fable understood the facts of farming, in particular that vigorous tilling of the soil in the vineyards would produce an abundant harvest, but it was only through his wisdom that he was able to convey this knowledge to his sons in such a way that they in turn would “live it out” and perpetuate his legacy. 

“Wise refers to skill in living,” explains Eugene Peterson in his book Earth and Altar.  “It does not mean, primarily, the person who knows the right answers to things but one who has developed the right responses (relationships) to persons, to God.  The wise understand how the world works; know about patience and love, listening and grace, adoration and beauty; know that other people are awesome creatures to be respected and befriended . . . know that God is an ever present center, a never-diminishing reality, an all encompassing love . . .” 

We are often encouraged to be life-long learners, and rightly so.  But more importantly we should strive to become life-long seekers of wisdom - in how to “live out” the knowledge we attain with greater understanding and deeper meaning. 

“My sons, there is a great treasure hid in one of my vineyards.”  (Aesop’s fables)  “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life for many years and bring you prosperity.”  (Proverbs 3:1-2)  Wisdom is that great treasure, but we must seek it out and be alert when it appears.