Have you ever known someone who was born into a life of privilege, having been offered every opportunity you can imagine on a silver platter, yet for whatever reason they blew it never becoming the person of character or success they could have been? I’m sure you have witnessed such tragedy. We all have. On the other hand, have you known someone from a disadvantaged background who in spite of all kinds of adversities managed to grow into a person of great character attaining extraordinary success? Of course you have. Perhaps you are one.

We are all born into circumstances – rich, poor, or middle-class. But circumstances do not create character; they merely reveal it. So what forms character? First and foremost we would probably all agree it is the influence of another person, a role model who has demonstrated good character and served as a teacher or mentor. And certainly some are more fortunate than others to be exposed to such positive influencers, regardless which side of the tracks they come from. Yet, even then some blow it while others take the right path. What makes the difference?

Ultimately the formation of character is a matter of choice, and we all have the freedom to choose how we respond to life’s circumstances. Someone once suggested that if freedom is defined as “the opportunity to make decisions”, then character is “the ability to make right decisions”. If that is true, then one of the quickest ways to reveal the true character of a person is to give him the freedom to choose his own path.

Neither is character a once-upon-a-time choice; rather, it is a choice we must make each and every day in each and every circumstance. Unfortunately some blow it. Others, though, seem to have developed the ability to take the right path in almost every circumstance. They are people we would say have great character.

While we are not always in control of our circumstances, we are in control of the choices we make within those circumstances. And it is those choices that reveal our character.

It is not insignificant that we celebrate birthdays – although I must admit I have reached the age where I’d rather not be reminded of mine. But seriously, birthdays are important to celebrate because they do serve as a reminder – a reminder that each of us is a child of God born into this world for a purpose. We celebrate not only to honor the person being celebrated, but also to celebrate ourselves and the gift of life we have been given.

In the story of the Passover God instructed the Israelites, who at the time were living as slaves in the land of Egypt, to slaughter a lamb and to then smear some of its blood on the doorframes of their homes. By doing so they would avoid the plague that would kill all the first-borns within the households of Egypt. “The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.” (Exodus 12:13)

Of equal importance to the Passover itself God also commanded that “This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the Lord – a lasting ordinance.” (Exodus 12:14) God’s instruction to institute the feast of the Passover as an annual celebration event was for the purpose of reminding people from then on of His mercy toward them and their freedom from Egyptian bondage.

Just last week we celebrated the birth of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., surely one of the most significant Americans in our nation’s history. Next month we celebrate the births of our Presidents, and in July we will celebrate the birth of our nation. Why do we set aside these days as festive events? We do so to commemorate so the generations to come will not forget those remarkable people and events that made and sustained our nation’s freedom.

It is important that we never forget the significance of our individual lives, or those who have gone before, those who sacrificed on behalf of the rest of us, and especially the God who created life. Celebrations, festivals, and traditions ensure that we will never forget. They serve as reminders.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

The former CEO of my former corporate employer, a large Wall Street investment firm, used to say that “people will always be in need of the advice and counsel of a fellow human being.” When he first said this it was exactly what everyone needed to hear, for it was in the late 1980’s just when the internet was gaining traction in revolutionizing all sorts of commerce, creating fear among those in almost every industry that the new electronic age would soon replace humans altogether. The financial services industry being at the leading edge of that fear needed to hear our CEO’s inspiring reminder more than ever, that human beings will always need other human beings.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Looking back it is amazing how prophetic were the words of our former CEO, for as much as the internet has become a fast and reliable universal resource it has yet to replace the need for human interaction and expertise. Take medicine, for example, there is all kinds of information about diseases, ailments and conditions, but when we are ill we still need a doctor, do we not? The same can be said for almost any profession. People will always need the advice and counsel of a fellow human being.

“There is a mental sharpness that comes from being around good people,” I read recently, “and a meeting of minds can help people see their ideas with new clarity, refine them, and shape them into brilliant insights.” Those words, in fact, are practically the mantra of executive coaching, my current profession, a profession created specifically for the purpose of one person sharpening another. Ironically coaching as a profession didn’t even exist prior to the evolution of the internet. Could it be that the overwhelming volume of information available at the mere click of a mouse actually increased awareness for the need of human interaction rather than suppressing it?

Two people who bring their thoughts and ideas together can help each other become sharper – just as iron sharpens iron. “People will always be in need of the advice and counsel of a fellow human being.” Technology will never replace that.

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.” John 15:16

“You just do,” he answered. . . . It was the occasion of my brother and sister-in-law’s fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration when one of their grandsons asked his grandfather how it is “you manage to stay married for fifty years.” My brother just shrugged his shoulders. “You just do,” he said. It was a deep and profound answer, though; for the covenant they had made with each other and with God many years before to love, honor, and cherish means that “you just do” whatever it takes every single day to make that happen.

Several years ago I realized that in order to have a clear understanding of the purpose of my life I needed to have a personal mission statement, a sentence or phrase that clearly defined my life’s direction. It was not an easy project to find those exact words. In fact, it took almost two years of reading, journaling, praying and meditating to articulate exactly what my life’s mission really is. Then one day I read John 15:16 and the light went off. That little verse summed it up for me simply and clearly, “to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last”, so that every action I am about to take, every decision I am about to make, and every sentence I am about to state can be measured by this: will it bear fruit – fruit that will last? If it does it is probably the right thing, if not I should reconsider.

When my brother Richard and his lovely bride Janice said “I do” to God and each other fifty years ago (now fifty-one) their vows became the mission statement of their marriage. From then on every action, decision, and word could be measured against that mission statement. If what either of them was about to say, do, or decide lived out their vow to love, honor, and cherish then it was probably the right thing, if not they should reconsider. It is the secret to how they have managed to stay married all these years. They just do.

Do you have a clearly defined mission by which to measure your every word, action, and decision? Because once you do, then “you just do.”

Our little three-month-old granddaughter, Corrina, recently started rolling over. She’s so proud of herself! She grunts and struggles and gets frustrated, until all of a sudden she’s belly to backside. Ah, what an accomplishment and feeling of satisfaction! And in that moment she sees the world from a whole new perspective. For Corrina it is just the beginning of a lifelong process of learning.

Then there’s her Grandpa who the week just before Christmas found himself grumbling about spending two nights in front of a computer screen attending webinar classes, desperately trying to complete the continuing education requirements needed by year’s end to renew my coaching credential. (Had I procrastinated perhaps?) I grumbled and grunted and got frustrated expecting to be bored to tears not to mention all the other things I needed to do this time of year. Just get it over with I kept thinking, wondering how I would manage to stay awake. Then I got into it, and much to my surprise I found the whole subject matter to be quite interesting, the instructor inspiring and knowledgeable, and the class lively and interactive. By the end of the first evening I could hardly wait for the next one. Like Corrina rolling from belly to backside I began to see the world from a whole new perspective.

I should know better of course, after all I am a professional coach whose job, among other things, is to encourage others to be enthusiastic lifetime learners. Like most coaches I know we are all perpetual and persistent students, passionate about learning and dedicated to inspiring others to do the same. I think I must have briefly forgotten that.

Henry Ford once said that “anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning is young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”

Seems to me Grandpa has a lot to learn from his youngest grandchild. I think my new year’s resolution should be to be more like her no matter how much grunting and struggling and frustration it takes – to keep on learning.

“Tis the season . . .” my mother-in-law loved to say. It was her way of explaining almost everything that occurs this time of year, particularly family and holiday traditions. “Tis the season” for parties and celebrations, for shopping, making travel plans, decorating, cooking, and preparing for family gatherings. “Tis the season” she would say.

“Tis the season” also to be thankful, and I would like to take this opportunity to express my deep gratitude for a few of the blessings I have received this past year, three in particular. The first is the birth of our beautiful new granddaughter, Corrina. When the year began we had no idea. It was a surprise. And now here she is, the newest member of our family, a happy healthy baby girl. I am thankful that Corrina has come into our lives, for her parents and older sister, Zoey. And I am grateful for our granddaughter Madeline and her parents. “Tis the season” to be thankful for family.

Next I am thankful for our new home in McKinney. Although it is something we have dreamed about and worked toward for a long time, it came as a surprise given the state of the economy and in particular the housing market. We never imagined we would be able to sell our house in this environment enabling us to afford our beautiful new home. For this we are thankful that we have a lovely home and perfect gathering place for our growing family and expanding circle of friends. “Tis the season” to be thankful for home.

Finally, it came as a complete surprise when early one morning, my life flashed before me in a near-fatal incident. Yet, thanks to some angels appearing immediately on the scene, especially my wife Tee, the paramedics, a great team of doctors and nurses, and most importantly the grace of God I survived and have completely recovered. For those who saved my life I am deeply grateful. But equally so I am grateful for the steady stream of friends and loved ones who came by to encourage and support my recovery, not to mention the many well-wishers who called, emailed, and sent cards. It is impossible to express my appreciation appropriately except to say “tis the season” to be thankful for so many wonderful and exceptional relationships.

“Tis the season” to thank all of you for blessing my life in 2011. Thank you! And may all of us in 2012 be filled with extraordinary surprises, a renewed sense of purpose, and deep gratitude for our many blessings. “Tis the season” to express gratitude and best wishes. . . . Abundant Living will return January 2, 2012. In the meantime, Merry Christmas and happy New Year to all. God’s blessings!

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
- Hebrews 10:24

Rand and Colleen Southard have devoted their lives to disadvantaged children. How? Among other things they run summer camp programs for children with severe learning differences such as dyslexia, autism, Asperger’s syndrome, and ADHD. But for many years they also operated a residential treatment facility for boys with the same learning disorders who had also suffered various kinds of physical and emotional abuse. Most had become wards of the State, some were essentially homeless. What Rand and Colleen provided and continue to provide this particular population of youth – besides basic needs and a positive environment – is goodness and love, the only thing that gives them any hope for a positive future. Their life work has produced some amazing results.

Lanell Armstrong has also devoted her life to disadvantaged children. How? She gave up a quite comfortable ordinary middle class life for an extraordinary one, to live among the poor in a rough gang and drug infested neighborhood of east Dallas. Over the past twenty years she has rescued dozens upon dozens of young boys and teenagers from the gang and drug culture, by befriending them, taking them into her home, tutoring them, loving them and exposing them to God and His goodness. Some still succumb to a lifestyle of gangs and drugs, often times landing in jail or prison. But even then Lanell does not give up on them, and because of that many have returned, some becoming helpers and leaders in her mission. Like Rand and Colleen, what Lanell provides more than anything else is goodness and love, which is the only thing that gives these children any hope for a positive future. Her life work has produced some amazing results.

In witnessing the the good works of Rand and Colleen and Lanell I am at once awed, humbled, and inspired – awed by their goodness, humbled by how little I’ve done in comparison, yet inspired to try to do more. And that’s the point, isn’t it, to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Thanks be to God for people like Rand, Colleen, and Lanell.

Who makes the best the decisions, those who rely on extensive analysis, or those who follow their instincts? I once had a boss, who only made decisions after studying all the data. He was an analyzer, a thinker. I on the other hand mostly make decisions from the gut. It is not that I ignore data and technical information; in fact I do generally consider it in the process. But when it comes to pulling the trigger, most of my decisions come from instinct. For the longest time I thought my boss, and now a longtime close friend, must be smarter than me because of his analytical ability. Perhaps he is smarter than me, but the fact is he made no more right decisions than me, nor fewer wrong ones than me. We simply had different ways of reaching conclusions.

Most psychological assessments are designed to inform us of our normal behavioral tendencies and our preferences in the way we respond to circumstances. Perhaps most noted among the many valid and exceptional assessments is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or MBTI which is sometimes considered the “granddaddy” of them all. The MBTI consists of four pairs of preferences or dichotomies, one preference being the opposite of the other. One of those pairs includes people who have a preference for thinking (T) versus those who have a preference for feeling (F), “thinkers” being the analytical types and “feelers” being more instinctive – neither better than the other nor necessarily requiring greater intelligence than the other. Case in point, my friend and former boss clearly qualifies as a “thinker” while I am by my own admission a “feeler” as the MBTI assessment has affirmed.

In the process of organizing, furnishing, and decorating our new home, it has been fascinating to observe how both preferences have come into play. Although Tee and I are both basically “feelers”, we nevertheless begin by “thinking”, that is developing logical ideas about how we want our home to look and function. But when it comes to pulling the trigger on a decision it is ultimately instinct that makes the final determination.

So who makes the best decisions, “thinkers” or “feelers”? The answer is both. The important thing is to (1) trust your own preference, and (2) give consideration to those whose preference is different than yours. That’s really how the best decisions are made.

About the same time this message hits your inbox I will be sitting on an airplane preparing for takeoff, probably half listening as a flight attendant recites the obligatory instructions about seatbelts, tray tables, the location of the lavatories, and the part about the oxygen masks coming down from above in case of a loss of cabin pressure. That one always intrigues me, especially when they tell us that if we are traveling with a small child to place the mask on ourselves first before placing it on the child. My first impression is that that seems backwards; for isn’t it our instinct to take care of the child first? Yet, when we think about it the logic makes perfect sense, that is by taking care of ourselves first we will be much better equipped to take care of the needs of the child.

During a small group meeting my wife attends each week a friend suggested recently that when we pray we should pray for ourselves first. When she shared that idea with me my first impression was much the same as with the oxygen mask and the child. Should we not focus our prayers first and foremost on the needs of others, I questioned? Yet the logic is the same, that by first taking care of ourselves we will be much better equipped to tend to the needs of others.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “I can never be all I ought to be, unless you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be, unless I am all I ought to be.” How do we get to be all we ought to be unless we are generous toward ourselves body, mind, and spirit? We must have something to give before we can offer it to someone else; otherwise we are of little use. How can we expect to provide oxygen to a child if we are gasping for breath; or how can we offer spiritual intercession for another when our own soul is malnourished?

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,” Jesus commanded, “And . . . Love your neighbor as yourself.” But to love our neighbor as ourselves implies that we must also love ourselves, and in doing so – including being generous in nourishing ourselves – we grow closer to being all we ought to be, which in turn equips us to help others become all they ought to be.

Never doubt the influence little actions can have on others.

My undistinguished military career was anything but influential, except for one obscure, humorous incident. Once while going through basic training, exhausted from a particularly grueling day we had hit the showers early before retiring to our bunks for a few precious hours of sleep. Now, I’ve never been one to sing in the shower, but for some reason that evening I was quietly entertaining myself by humming a little tune when the guy next to me heard it and said, “Hey, man, sing that a little louder.” Next thing I knew he started singing along. Then someone else chimed in, then another. Before long there was a whole chorus of naked boot camp buddies harmonizing in the shower having the time of their lives. After that, they carried on night after night thinking up songs, snapping their fingers, laughing and singing their hearts out. Could they ever sing!

Anyone who has endured the rigors of military training will identify with the importance of developing camaraderie. It’s one of the objectives, I suppose. Those guys who sang in the shower together became great comrades. Although they invited me to participate, I was never really part of that group, not because I wasn’t welcome, I just couldn’t sing like they could.

We never know when the seeds we scatter will sprout into a tree, when some kind act or encouraging word will be a spark that ignites something greater. A pleasant “thank you” to a store clerk, making room for another motorist to move into your lane, a phone call to check up on a friend, a kind word to a fellow passenger on an airplane, a warm smile, or a friendly handshake – little gestures can make a huge difference. In my wildest dreams I would never have imagined that humming to myself in the shower would influence a whole chorus of boot camp comrades.

It just goes to prove . . . never doubt the influence little actions can have on others.