Throughout the twenty-five years or so that I had known my wife’s grandfather, Cecil Dye, I never knew him to be particularly obsessed or worried about the future, by that I mean retirement, old age and all that. It is not that he did not plan ahead, take the proper precautions, watch his pennies, etc., but he did not dwell on such things either. He simply kept his affairs in order and otherwise went about his daily life and work. That is not to say he was a man without goals and dreams. In fact, he was as ambitious as anyone having become a master at his trade and successful in operating his business.

Cecil, though, did not allow his goals and ambitions to blind him from the importance of the tasks put before him each day. He did not view such things as obstacles or distractions from some goal or end result he was trying to attain; rather he just considered them to be part of daily living. Cecil more or less lived by the old adage that “life is a journey not a destination”, which may have contributed to his long active life of almost ninety-five years.

Oswald Chambers once wrote, “We must never put our dreams of success as God’s purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not. . . [No] what we call the process, God calls the end. . . His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the future.”

I dare not minimize the importance of goals and ambitions, however, for they do inspire purpose and vision in our lives. Yet how often have I in my own obsession for attaining success overlooked some task put before me dismissing it as an obstacle or distraction rather than embracing it as part of the process? And how might embracing that task have had an even greater impact than whatever goal I was pursuing?

Thank goodness for wise elders like Cecil Dye who, though he enjoyed success as much as anyone, loved the process even more, embracing the tasks put before him as part of daily living. That is why for those of us whose lives were touched by his remember him not so much for what he did as how he lived his life. And that has had the greater impact.

Do you ever on occasion find yourself wanting to tell someone to be quiet? Or to be a bit more blunt, do you sometimes just want to yell, “shut up!!” Don’t be too hard on yourself if you do because we live in a noisy world with a lot of people out there competing to be heard, myself included.

In preparing to put our house on the market recently we invited several real estate agents to interview for listing our home for sale. We only invited agents who we knew to be reputable, competent, and with a good track record for selling houses in our neighborhood. In other words, we knew they were good before they ever showed up. Nevertheless one by one each agent dutifully showed up at our doorstep armed with brochures about their real estate companies, biographies about themselves, and comparables of other homes for sale. Then sitting around our dining room table we listened as each one spoke impressively about how good he or she is and why we should hire them over the others. In the end they were all equally qualified, so how were we to decide which one to hire? It was easy. The winner was not the best talker, it was the best listener, the one who shut up and started asking questions about what WE wanted.

The first thing we’re taught in business is to have a good sales pitch, right? What we are not taught so much is that the real secret to winning business is ultimately not about the sales pitch, but how well we listen. Think about it, if we do indeed live in a noisy world where everyone is competing to be heard, does that not mean people are starved for someone to listen to them? So . . . listen to them – and you’ll be the winner.

Why, then, is listening so difficult? The answer is that listening requires humility, putting our own ego aside, and in our highly competitive world that’s a hard thing to do. It’s counter-cultural, certainly counter-competitive. Yet, “blessed are the meek,” Jesus says in the Beatitudes, “for they will inherit the earth.” (Matthew 5:5). The MEEK will inherit the earth! The humble – the listeners – will be the winners. What would happen, I wonder, if our leaders in Washington spent less time talking (about being right) and more time listening (to us and each other)? And not just them, but all of us? Wouldn’t we all become bigger winners?

Among the several obligatory family rituals each of our two sons had to endure when they were preparing to graduate from high school one was going out to dinner with their dad for a little one-on-one, father-son, man-to-man time. During each of those two occasions I asked both boys the same question: “What is it you want to be?” The first answer was not surprising, that is I want to be a lawyer or an architect, or . . . whatever the profession de jour might be. No, I explained each time, I’m not interested in what you think you want to DO in life, I want to know what you want to BE. Both appeared a bit puzzled at first, but finally after much thought each son eventually responded exactly the same way. Looking me in the eye they each said this: “I want to be a good person.”

Each of us at some point must make this same basic choice about how we will live out our lives. Do we consciously choose to be a good person – or not? Our two boys being at the threshold of leaving Mom and Dad’s supervision at the time were themselves facing this very critical decision. Thus my purpose in pressing the issue was to encourage them to say it out loud, for by saying it out loud it became a pledge – not to me but each to himself.

And why was that so important?

Martin Luther explained it this way: “Good works do not make a good [person], but a good [person] does good works; [likewise] evil works do not make a wicked [person], but a wicked [person] does evil works. Consequently it is always necessary that the person . . . be good before there can be any good works, and that good works follow and proceed from the good person.” Or as Jesus says in Matthew 7:17-18, “Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.”

I have no idea if either of our sons remembers that evening out with their dad or the question they were asked, nor does it matter. What I do know is that each one has kept the pledge he made to himself those many years ago the result of which is bearing much good fruit. I also know it is never too late for anyone to do the same.

“Be serious and frequent in the examination of your heart and life. . . . Every evening review your carriage through the day; what you have done or thought that was unbecoming your character. . . . Have a special care of two portions of time, namely, morning and evening; the morning to forethink what you have to do, and the evening to examine whether you have done what you ought. Let every action have reference to your whole life, and not to a part only. Let all your subordinate ends be suitable to the great end of your living. Exercise yourself unto godliness.” - John Wesley

Who have you known in your life that has come closest to practicing John Wesley’s discipline of reflecting each day in the morning about what you have to do, and again in the evening about how well you did it? For me I suspect my maternal grandmother – who I’ve mentioned numerous times in these articles – must have had such a discipline for she sure lived as if she did. She was as clear about the “great end” of her living as anyone I’ve ever known, which was loving God and loving other people. For her nothing else mattered much unless it pertained to that purpose. And I think because of that she was consistently one of the most joyful people I’ve ever known.

Too many of us I’m afraid either live in survival mode or at best we get up each day and simply respond to what comes our way, unclear of our true purpose or the “great end” of our living as Wesley referred to it. Why do you suppose Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life became one of the most popular books in recent years? Could it have to do with that longing for clarity of purpose we all have? It’s nothing new, for as Warren reminds us, it “has puzzled people for thousands of years.” Why? “That’s because we typically begin at the wrong starting point . . .” he explains.

So what is the right starting point? It’s quite simple actually, revealed in the opening sentence of Rick Warren’s book. Here’s what he says: “It’s not about you.” That’s right, it’s not about ourselves. Instead it’s about loving God and loving other people as my grandmother did. It’s the secret to a joyful and purpose filled life, and it works for everyone – people of every race, creed, religious doctrine and life circumstance. It’s the “great end of your living”. Thus be serious and frequent in the examination of your heart.

Fourth of July; it reminds me of when I was a teenager my buddies and I used to drive around the courthouse square in the small town where we grew up and throw firecrackers out the car windows, a violation of local ordinance, daring the local law enforcement official (there was only one) to catch us, which he usually did. About the worst consequence we ever suffered was a verbal reprimand that went something like, “you boys aren’t suppose to be doing that.” We knew, of course, what we could get away with which after all was nothing more than a little teenage mischief, no real harm done.

What about real criminal acts, though, what causes people to do evil? I think it is my curiosity about that that has led me to become addicted to all the criminal investigation shows on television – all the CSI’s, NCIS’s, Criminal Minds, the Mentalist, Law and Order, the Closer, I watch them all. Why? Part of it is all the high-tech forensics they use in their investigations which is fascinating. Then too I enjoy cheering on the good guys to bring the bad guys to justice. But mostly I find these criminal investigation shows provide some insights about what causes people to do evil which usually has something to do with their being victims of evil themselves, or at least being deprived from experiencing goodness.

Unfortunately, the fiction we see on these shows represents a pretty accurate portrayal of real life, the solution to which falls on the shoulders of all of us, not just law enforcement professionals. And what is the solution? The Apostle Paul says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21). But is it possible to overcome evil with good? The group of buddies I meet with every Tuesday morning think so; for we meet specifically for the purpose of holding each other accountable for living a rule of life that includes having a relationship with God, increasing our knowledge of God, and then doing acts of goodness that positively impact others – that overcome evil with good.

I do still engage in a little mischief from time to time, but mischief is all it is, no real harm done. What I aspire to mostly is following in the footsteps of my Tuesday morning buddies – and the Apostle Paul – who believe evil can be overcome with good. I think they’re right. I’ve seen the results of their actions.

During a recent interview with ABC News correspondent David Muir, First Lady Michelle Obama was asked this question: “What advice would you give to your girls when they fall in love?” After a brief pause the First Lady offered the following thoughtful response: “I would tell ALL young people,” she replied, “choose people who will lift you up. Find people who will make you better.”

At the time the interview was being played I have to admit I was only half listening as I had turned on the TV for noise as much as news if you know what I mean. But when I heard the First Lady’s response to that question she had my full attention; for her answer was so full of wisdom, and at several levels. I’ll mention three in particular.

First, and in direct response to the question, Mrs. Obama could not have been clearer in terms of what every parent would like to impress upon their children. When you fall in love make sure it is with someone who will make you a better person. Case in point, Tee and I will soon be celebrating our fortieth wedding anniversary and one of the primary reasons for our successful marriage is because through the years we have lifted each other up, and made each other better. We will both vouch for that.

Second, I have to applaud the First Lady for the way she carefully crafted her answer to include a broader array of relationships. That is to say, who we choose as friends and the crowds we hang out with will influence the kind of people we become. In short, as we’ve all heard, we should choose our friends carefully.

And third, hidden within Mrs. Obama’s response is a question each of us should ask ourselves. What role do we play in the lives of others? Do we lift them up? Are they better for being around us?

In summary, choose people who will lift you up. Find people who will make you better. Then ask yourself, will people choose me for the same reason? Great wisdom, not just for young people but for people of every age.

How much is enough? Arguably, this may be one of the most relevant questions of our modern age in the Western world. If we base our evidence on the excessive consumption we see around us there is no doubt about the extraordinary buying power that exists in our world today. But is there a direct correlation between more and happier, and if so how much is enough?

Contrast that by examining happiness among the poor. My own brief experiences of working with those we might consider the poorest of the poor, mostly in Central America (as well as my own community), has offered me some insight about this question. Specifically I remember Isabel, a Honduran woman who resided in a deeply impoverished barrio community just outside the city of Tegucigalpa. For a week she and I worked side by side on a project and though we did not speak the same language we became fast friends. At the end of that week as we were saying goodbye Isabel hugged me, then handed me a sweet note written in Spanish on a small tattered card about the size of a business card. I didn’t know what it said but I understood what was meant by her kind gesture. Isabel and her companions were some of the happiest people I’ve ever met, yet they lived in conditions that are unimaginable to most of us.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, perhaps the most renowned servant of the poor in our modern age, once noted of the Western world, “I have walked at night in your streets, I have entered your homes. I have found in them more poverty than in India.” What she was referring to was not economic poverty, but poverty of the soul. So we ask ourselves, how much is enough?

To live in a place where opportunities abound for financial success is a blessing and a privilege, but what are we to do with our abundance and how much is enough? The greatest reward in my profession as a business and executive coach occurs in helping high achieving successful clients transition their focus from success to significance, from money to meaning. It is then they discover that true enrichment is not obtained by gaining but by giving. So, how much is enough? That depends. But it depends not on how much we have, rather on how much we have to give.

Do you ever get restless? I don’t mean the lie-awake-at-night-worrying type of restless, or the cabin-fever restless we all get from being confined in the house too long. I’m talking about the restlessness that occurs from the nagging urge to make a significant life change – new job or career, relocate to another town or city, downsize or upsize your home, re-educate, re-train, or retire. Such restlessness must be examined carefully and prayerfully, for it may simply be a case of frustration, stagnation or boredom. On the other hand it could signify a calling.

My friend Patrick Custer tells the story about his grandfather, a Pentecostal preacher who for many years served as pastor of the largest Pentecostal church in Amarillo, Texas. He and his wife lived in a nice home provided by the church, earned a respectable salary, were highly respected in the community, and generally lived a comfortable life. Then one Sunday morning my friend’s grandfather abruptly resigned for reasons of neither a bigger church, nor to retire. Rather, he and his wife sold all they had and moved into a small trailer in the poorest, most dangerous neighborhood in Amarillo where he had purchased some rundown property. There, with no prior experience in construction, he began to tear down the old dilapidated houses and lay the foundation for a new church. Along the way he somehow convinced a local lumberyard manager to donate the materials, and even more miraculously persuaded the owner of an X-rated movie theater to close down his business and give the theater seats to the church for pews. The two donors, previously strangers by the way, became the church’s first deacons.

Now when the old preacher started the project he was working alone. But soon a couple of drug addict, alcoholic types who had been watching from afar began to pitch in – then another, and another – until about fifty or so were showing up daily to help with the construction. By the time the building was completed and the X-rated theater seats installed, Patrick’s grandfather had not just built a church, but also a thriving congregation.

My friend Patrick, a highly successful businessman and entrepreneur, did not follow in his grandfather’s footsteps as a Pentecostal preacher, but he does credit him for being the most influential person in his life. Understandably so, for what he learned from him is to examine his own restlessness – which occurs from time to time – carefully and prayerfully, and if it signifies a true calling to respond boldly. It’s an inspiring story for all of us – the next time we get restless.

According to a recent interview with Steve Siebold who authored the popular book, How Rich People Think, there exists today more opportunities for people to become millionaires than any other time in history. Now for most of us that may seem to be a rather bold claim given all the negative financial news we’ve heard in the past week, including an unrelenting erosion in the housing market and a continued high rate of unemployment that shows no signs of relief.

In his interview, however – which I happened to catch on the internet – Siebold explained that it is in just such times of rapid change and economic chaos as these that new opportunities arise, and it is those creative, ambitious, entrepreneurial types clever enough to take advantage of it who stand the best chance of reaping substantial financial rewards.

Whether or not Siebold is correct in his claim only time will tell. His message, however, is worth considering. In his book, How Rich People Think for instance, which admittedly I have only scanned and not read, he observes how the middle class – meaning most of us – see money as finite, whereas rich people see money as infinite. Well of course they do we might think, they’ve got lots of it. No, his point is that it is because they see money as infinite that they became rich in the first place, not because they already are rich.

God did not create a world of scarcity, but one that is abundant in resources, which is what makes Steve Siebold’s message worth considering; for even though he uses the language of money it is not about wealth. Rather, I see his message as being about living with an attitude of abundance in all we do. For just as those who see money as infinite will be the ones most likely to become rich, and those who seize the opportunities that exist in the midst of these times of rapid change and economic chaos will become the next successful entrepreneurs, so will those who recognize and appreciate the abundance of creation enjoy a life that is rich and fulfilling. That’s what Abundant Living is all about.

Noted writer and pastor, Charles Swindoll, once became so overwhelmed by too many commitments that he fell into a state of constant irritability and was totally distracted from what was going on around him including his family. “I was snapping at my wife and our children, choking down my food at mealtimes, and feeling irritated at those unexpected interruptions through the day,” he recalled in his book, Stress Fractures. “Before long, things around our home started reflecting the pattern of my hurry-up style. It was becoming unbearable. I distinctly remember after supper one evening, the words of our younger daughter, Colleen. She wanted to tell me something important that had happened to her at school that day. She began hurriedly, ‘Daddy, I wanna tell you somethin’ and I’ll tell you really fast.’ Suddenly realizing her frustration, I answered, ‘Honey, you can tell me – and you don’t have to tell me really fast. Say it slowly.’ I’ll never forget her answer: ‘Then listen slowly.’”

Failure to listen – and listen slowly, attentively and with genuine interest and concern – may be one of the greatest deficiencies of our culture today. It is not for lack of opportunities to talk, however, for with cell phones, email, Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of instant communication we have become in fact a bunch of chatter-boxes. Who’re missing are the listeners – the real listeners, that is, the ones who listen slowly as Swindoll’s daughter would say.

During a San Francisco study some years back, teenage prostitutes were being interviewed and asked this question: “Is there anything you needed most and couldn’t get?” The overwhelming response, invariably preceded by sadness and tears, was this: “What I needed most was someone to listen to me. Someone who cared enough to listen to me.”

What a generous, caring act it is to genuinely listen to another human being! And how tragic it can be when we fail to do so! “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak . . .” James says in his epistle (James 1:19); for as much as we continue to need better education to develop brilliant minds, great teachers, leaders, and experts in every field, what the world really needs is for all of us to become listeners.