We live in a world of extreme and perpetual conflict. Pay attention to the news on any given day and we see it at every level of society from nations at war to family squabbles. None of us likes conflicts yet we all participate in them, sometimes being the cause and at other times defending ourselves and what we believe in.

Isn’t it fascinating to consider why human beings can’t get along given that by nature we are all pursuing the same basic needs and desires? Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) brilliantly categorized and prioritized these universal human needs in what he termed as the “hierarchy of needs”, the most basic of which is “physiological”. That is, we need air to breath, food, water, sleep, etc. Once that is satisfied humans pursue “safety” which includes such things as shelter, employment, resources, health and other forms of security. After that humans need “love and a sense of belonging”; then “esteem” or a feeling of self-worth and accomplishment. Then at the top of the hierarchy is what Maslow describes as “self-actualization”, the highest form of human need which includes things such as creativity, morality, and problem solving. Every human being, according to Maslow, lives at some level along the hierarchy and once the needs at that level are met – if indeed they are – will move up to the next.

So, if humans are all striving to meet the same needs why do we not understand each other better, thus throwing ourselves into conflict? I certainly have my own opinions and views philosophically, politically, and theologically, but sometimes when I consider the many conflicts in our world and society it occurs to me to ask, isn’t everyone really striving for the same things – basic physiological needs, peace and security, community and a sense of belonging, education and self-worth, and the opportunity to perform at our highest potential? Thus conflicts seem to occur not in the “what” but in the “how”.

Perhaps if we could all pause occasionally to agree that we are all striving to attain the same end results we could better negotiate the “how” to get there. Then we might experience “how good and pleasant it is when [all people] live together in unity!”

Our dog Cowgirl knows a perfect day when she has one. It begins by going out with us for a morning run, but what really makes for a perfect day is if we happen to stir up some sort of wild critter along the way. Rabbits are her favorite. Chasing a rabbit, for her that’s a perfect day!

What’s a perfect day for you? My bet is it’s not a junior high dance, and probably not chasing rabbits either. I’m guessing, though, it probably does have something to do with hanging out with close friends and family, or participating in one of your favorite activities or sports. But I’m also guessing it’s more than that.

A friend of ours once told about being approached by a co-worker on a particularly tense day in the office. “Is it a good day or a great day?” the co-worker asked our friend, who quickly responded, “Need more choices!” Then . . . . after a little more thought she got it. The co-worker was simply playing a mind game, and a clever one at that. Bad day was not an option, only good or great.

That junior high dance was a perfect day for one good reason, I had chosen for whatever reason to eliminate all the other options. You can have a perfect day, too – today! – just by eliminating all the other choices. So go and have a perfect day!

I happened to have known Bill Heatly quite well as a neighbor, family friend, and being buddies with his youngest son. Having spent time around him I can attest that he was a man who exuded power. It was true he had a keen sense of how to develop and maintain a strong influential power base and how to use it to accomplish his goals, and during his heyday he did a great deal of good for the constituents within his legislative district as well as the citizens of the State of Texas. But like most powerful people he had his share of enemies, those who opposed and disagreed with him, people who accused him of being ruthless, manipulative and self-serving. Arguably he was a man capable of using his power against someone who crossed him as much as helping someone in need.

What does it mean, though, to be powerful? I thought about that this past week when I stopped myself from saying something that could have been harmful and hurtful to another person. It caused me to shutter to think I have that kind of power. But it also made me realize I have the power to say and do things that can help and encourage others as well. So what makes you and me any different from politicians like Bill Heatly, or the titans of industry or people of extreme wealth? Nothing really except that the size of our circle of influence may be smaller, but the power we have within that circle is no different. We all have the capacity to choose how we use our power, to influence good or to inflict harm. It is not just the “powerful” who are powerful, you see, we all are. The question we must ask ourselves – each and every day – is how will we use it?

The International Coach Federation (ICF) in its infinite wisdom has established eleven core competencies that all credentialed coaches, of which I am one, are trained in. Three of those competencies specifically address how to deal with this issue “tell me what to do coach”. The first is “active listening” (core competency #5) defined by the ICF as the “ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of the client’s desires, and to support client self-expression,” in other words to really listen. The second related core competency (#6) is “powerful questioning” which is the “ability to ask questions that reveal the information needed for maximum benefit to the coaching relationship and the client.” And the third is “direct communication”, or the “ability to communicate effectively during coaching sessions, and to use language that has the greatest positive impact on the client.” (Source: ICF website, www.coachfederation.org)

So let me ask you, when you are searching for ideas, answers, or solutions do you really want someone to tell you what to do? Is that what you really want? Or wouldn’t you rather come up with it yourself? In seeking counsel aren’t you really just needing someone to listen – actively listen – to your situation and help you dig deeper so you can create your own ideas, answers or solutions? That’s why the ICF core competencies are such powerful tools for coaches like me.

There are times when I do know the answer and on rare occasions I find it appropriate to share that. But most of the time I find that clients are much more capable than me. My job is to help them realize that. Or as I heard at a coaching conference several months ago “sometimes what people need is a guide on the side rather than a sage on the stage.”

It was one of those weekends and I mostly sat in the room with her at her bedside. She napped some, but we also visited or sat quietly and read. Occasionally I would help her up to move around or go to the bathroom. But one morning a nurse came by to take her down the hall for some physical therapy. They did that to keep her strength up as long as possible, and though she was weak the nurse nonetheless made her walk to the therapy room using a walker – part of the therapy. “Come on and go with me,” my mom urged as she shuffled out of her room. “This will be fun, you’ll enjoy watching.” So I followed along and sure enough we entered a small room that looked more like a child’s playroom than something in a hospital. It was filled with all sorts of games, balls, and other toys.

I took a seat and watched as the therapist led her through some simple exercises. Mom, despite her weakened condition, seemed to enjoy the activities. Then the therapist led her to a tall table where another patient was standing, an elderly gentleman. On the table was a set of dominoes and the two were instructed to engage in a game of dominoes. It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud, for I saw the spirit in my mother’s eyes I had seen all my life. I wanted to tell the old gentleman, “Mister, you’re in trouble.” Indeed he was. My mom not only knew how to play the game and play it well, but being the competitor she was she intended to win. The poor guy never had a chance.

I read a quote the other day that reminded me of this story about my mother and prompted me to share it with you. The quote said, “Life is an arena, not an armchair”. It was a perfect description of my mom, I thought, always a player rather than a spectator – active, involved, engaged, loved people, loved games and loved competition – even up to the very end. What a great example of an abundant life!

So what is a movement anyway? A movement is nothing more than vision plus action. Vision by itself is only a dream, but when action is taken toward that vision – no matter how small – it has been put into motion and a movement is started.

Many years ago when our children were young we went on our very first family ski vacation. None of us had ever skied before so we joined a class to learn the basics. Once we were able to remain somewhat upright on our skis the instructor began to show us the next important element of skiing, how to turn. After teaching us some of the basic mechanics using our toes and feet and positioning the tips of our skis just right the instructor said this: “The most important thing to remember is that if you look over there you will go over there.” That is to say if you look toward where you want to go followed by just the slightest action with your toes, feet, and the tips of your skis, like magic you’ll go over there. In other words, you’ve started a movement in the direction you want to go.

We’ve probably all started more movements than we ever realized. Whatever our chosen career or profession it no doubt started with a vision followed by a course of study or training to prepare us for that particular field. That was a movement. Those of us who have raised a family have had a vision of the type environment we wanted our children exposed to and took whatever steps necessary to create or provide that environment. The same can be said of building a house, starting a business, or changing the direction of an existing business or organization. That’s a movement.

What about now? Do you have a vision about something in your life, business or career? Take action – even the smallest step – toward it and you’re in motion. You’ve created a movement, one that will be life changing for sure – maybe even world changing.

When Bill Gates and Warren Buffet challenged their fellow multi-billionaires to give away a significant portion of their wealth as they had committed to do, it would be presumptuous to assume they had been directly influenced by the above passage. It would also be presumptuous to assume they were not. The fact of the matter is I don’t know what if anything in particular influenced their philanthropy except that they seem to understand that along with their extreme good fortune comes extreme responsibility. Other than that I am hesitant to speculate much about the motives of these two gentlemen since I do not know either one personally, nor do I know much about their personal values or beliefs.

Regardless of their motives, though, it is encouraging what these men did making a public statement about their wealth that ultimately says it is not theirs to keep but to give away – and to give away for the benefit of the greater good. At an even deeper level their message is all but an admission that their wealth had never been theirs to begin with, but a gift, their extreme philanthropy being a public recognition of that.

“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded . . .” is not a message intended for just the mega-wealthy, though. It applies to all of us; for we have all been blessed in some way with more than enough. And just as Bill Gates and Warren Buffet seemed to have recognized it is not for us to keep but to give away. Some have been blessed with financial wealth, some have physical strength and energy, others have wisdom, and most of us at the very least have the ability to offer a smile or an encouraging word. Whatever our gifts, talents, or resources might be, they have been entrusted to us not just for ourselves but for the greater good. What a privilege to be called to offer our abundance for such a greater purpose!

My great-grandfather, Robert Boyle, died in 1924 long before I was born, so needless to say I never knew a great deal about him. What I do know is that he was an Irish immigrant, moving his young family to the U.S. in 1889 where he established a sheep ranch in northern Texas. His grandchildren called him Grandpa, same as my grandkids refer to me, a mere coincidence but touching. In his younger days I’m told he had studied theology at the University of Edinburgh in preparation for ministry in the Presbyterian Church, so the fact he read scripture regularly comes as no surprise.

I don’t know a lot of other details about his life other than these, except that I realized something I had never considered before when I discovered his old King James Bible. My great-grandfather left a great legacy to his successors; for in reading the notes he scribbled in the margins and the verses that were dog-eared it is obvious he was a man of great character, high moral values, a student of scripture and a man of God. Now here it is a hundred years later and he’s still making a difference in people’s lives – mine in particular. What a legacy!

I wonder in this day and age if we consider our own legacies the way we should, the ones that really matter. Grandpa Boyle’s old Bible made me pause and give some thought to that. Will I leave that kind of inspired legacy that will endure a hundred years or more? I need to be thinking about that so that the generations to come might know, and the children yet unborn. As a reminder we have given his old Bible in a prominent place in our new home where it lays open to Psalm 78.

An article I read this past week strongly encouraged people to keep working for several reasons. First of all in today’s world there are few physical reasons for one to retire, work in fact supports good health, and work boosts happiness and well-being, among other things. I agree. I’ve got lots of friends sixty and older. Although some may have retired from a one career, myself included, many of us simply started another one. Others are still doing what they’ve always done and have no plans of stopping. And all of us without exception volunteer a great deal of our time and expertise to charitable causes. The point is, not a single one of us has dropped out. Most are as busy and working as hard as they ever have – harder in some cases, and certainly more effectively. It makes me wonder, whoever thought up the idea of retirement in the first place?

When you consider the enormous population of “baby boomers” (est. 76 million) plus those born before the boomer generation we have the greatest resource of experience, education, and wisdom ever in the world’s history, much of it untapped. How can we make better use of this great resource? One place to start might be to change our vocabulary, to quit using the “R” word so much. How about changing AARP to something like AAEC, Association of Active Elder Citizens instead of using the word “retired”? Wouldn’t that be more appropriate, more energizing, and more encouraging to keep older citizens engaged in the marketplace? And think about the pressure it would take off Social Security and pension systems by keeping people involved as contributors and not just withdrawers?

Wouldn’t everyone be better off if we all kept working? I plan to and so do my friends. Most of us are too busy to think about retirement. We’ve got too much work to do.

Dr. Viktor Frankl, who penned these words in the preface of the 1984 edition of his famed bestseller Man’s Search for Meaning, should know. When he wrote the original book in 1945 he had intended it to be published anonymously under the absolute conviction that it could never earn literary fame for himself. He simply wanted to tell the story of his experiences, observations, and personal survival from the atrocities of the concentration camps. Or in his words, “I had wanted simply to convey to the reader by way of a concrete example that life holds a potential meaning under any conditions, even the most miserable ones.” Yet, in spite of efforts to convey a quiet but profound message and do so anonymously, he was convinced by his friends to claim authorship, the unexpected consequence of which was a highly acclaimed bestseller.

Since World War II Dr. Frankl’s writings have revolutionized the field of psychiatry, no doubt impacting thousands of patients around the world in positive ways, which was his only intention from the beginning. Never was it in pursuit of fame or fortune. Yet, in the long run success did follow – precisely because he had forgotten to think of it.

How much better off would we all be – indeed, how much better off would the world be – if we focused our best efforts on something or someone greater than ourselves rather than on success itself? Do we, I wonder, often times limit our success – or worse, miss it altogether – because of our focusing on it? What if our highest energy and best talents were focused on doing the right thing for the common good? Success will surely follow.